First VS Second Pregnancy- What I'm doing differently Part 2

My baby girl is becoming a big sister this year. As any mama would expect I am overwhelmed with emotions as we near her first birthday. The first year of becoming a mama has been my greatest adventure but also came with many challenges. 

I can’t help be feel guilty that is “missed” almost 6 months of it by being exhausted and wishing we’d just “get through” this stage. To be honest, I didn’t really enjoy the newborn stage like many of my friends. I was coping with postpartum anxiety and bouts of mama rage, that I was just going through the motions. I held on to those feelings for a long time. Not fully embracing being a stay-at-home mom and not fully letting go of expectations. As I reflect on this first year I think “that wasn’t so bad”, because in the midst of the chaos I found beautiful moments.

In the dark nursery room at 3 am, I smiled. 

In the endless nights of no sleep, I laughed.

During the 10 months of breastfeeding, I felt proud.

This second pregnancy I am doing things differently. My husband and I are now confident parents and excited to welcome a new baby into our homes. We already know that having two under two will be challenging at times but we are more prepared than ever. Here is what I am doing differently to help prevent and ease feelings of PPA/PPD to enjoy the newborn stage more: 

Protecting our sleep 

Nothing can prepare you for the sleep exhaustion you feel during the first few weeks postpartum. Prioritizing uninterrupted sleep is challenging with feedings every three hours, anxiety about if the baby is breathing, and diaper changes. We will be taking shifts and sleeping in different rooms until our baby sleeps through the night. We hope that we each get at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. 

Letting go of pressure to exclusively breastfed

I put immense pressure on myself to exclusively breastfeed which left me exhausted, unable to leave my baby for more than three hours, constant anxiety about my supply, and unable to accept help for feedings. I intend to breastfeed as long as possible but without the pressure and control, I felt the first time around. I will do this by pumping, formula supplementation as needed, and accepting help from others during feeding times. 

Asking & Accepting more help

There is no shame in admitting you need help as new parents, especially if you already have other children at home. Ask and accept help with no guilt or shame. I will lean on my family, friends, and a postpartum doula for day/night shifts. 

Let go of expectations and control  

As new mamas, we are bombarded with blogs, articles, and information about raising our children. During the first 6 months, I followed a strict schedule of eat, play sleep that truly wasn't in tune, and listening to my baby's cues. (Personal opinion) I feel like following the sleep training advice by the major “sleep” influencers on Instagram (you know who I am talking about) actually made our situation worse. This time around I am making my own rules and following my mama's intuition. 

Get out of the house more

This may pose a challenge being due with baby during December in Michigan but I have found some alternatives such as mall walking, grocery store, shopping, museums, or visiting friends. This will help to combat PPA but also the winter blues. 

Teamwork makes the dream work

As I shared in my most recent blog First VS Second Pregnancy- What I'm doing differently We overlooked the birth and postpartum plan during my first pregnancy.. Our postpartum plan will cover our sleep schedules, feedings, household chores, parental leave, and parental responsibilities. A mother and father take on completely different roles as new parents but communication is key to success. Discussing each-others wants, needs, and desire is a great way to create a positive parenting experience together. 

Allow more self-care time 

I’m not talking about taking a shower or brushing my teeth, those are basic hygiene needs. I plan to allow myself to relax by reading a book, taking a nap, going to sleep early, journaling, meditating, getting nails done, going for a walk alone… you get the picture. This is not selfish but necessary to be the best mom and wife I can be. 

Continue going to therapy 

The best thing that helped my mental health as a new mama was finding a perinatal therapist. A total judge-free zone to focus on your personal mental growth. It’s incredibly brave to step foot into a therapist's office, which is why I always wear my Mom Strong Tee. 

Postpartum Exercise 

Massively important. Postpartum exercise to recover from delivery, build mama's muscles, relieve stress, and build mental strength. Getting back into exercise postpartum will be in stages starting with pelvic floor recovery, core strength, cardiovascular endurance, and then muscular strength. Planning a baby-wearing backpacking trip 7 months postpartum will be a huge motivator.

Everyones motherhood journey is different so listen to your mama instinct, build that confidence, and always remember just how strong you are. I hope that by reading this you can build your own list of confidence for this pregnancy and postpartum experience. 

#MomStrong

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Hi, I’m Kelsey, founder of Mom Strong. I help empower and support new moms. Motherhood strength is not measured just in muscles but in love and attention for your mind, body, and community. Join our Mom Strong Squad for more education, support, and inspiration at instagram.com/coachkelseyjean